The One Where My Dog Is A Jerk

Annnnnndddd . . . he looks so innocent

You ever notice how a week following a holiday and/or three day weekend is particularly brutal?  Traffic sucks (does everyone lose their mind after a holiday and drive into call boxes, ditches, medians and/or each other?), it's hard to get back into the groove of work, the days inexplicably can drag despite work onslaught and the universe screws with you.  Today I actually wanted to tell the universe to back off and find another sucker.

I am a Victoria's Secret gal (as in I like and wear their merchandise, not an actual VS girl - - don't I, and everyone I have dated, wish.)   I considered running to my local VS during my lunch break yesterday to make a payment and pick up a bra or two.  A quick online scan showed me that my bra of choice had very little selection, leading me to another online search that stated it was being discontinued.  No!  Why must this always happen?  You find a bra you like, a polish color that jazzes you, and it always seems to get canned.  Why, why, why?  I called the local store only to be told that they no longer stocked my bra and I would have to buy it online (while supplies lasted, of course.)  I immediately jumped online to order and used to VS card for payment.  Within two hours, I received an email telling me that the payment did not process because I had gone over my limit with the purchase (oops.)  No worries, I figured I would go by the store on the way home and drop off my payment.  No harm, no foul.  The computer said it would continue trying for up to 14 days so it didn't seem to be an issue when I would drop off payment that night. 

I went to Happy Hour with some coworkers at 5 (hey, if Friday at 5 at the end of a full week after a 3 day weekend doesn't call for margaritas, I don't know what does) and stayed longer than I had planned.  Again, no worries.  I had to run errands Saturday and going by VS then was not a big deal.  Fast forward to my happy-after-two-margaritas self coming home to find that my dog had an accident.  Of the non-urine kind.  On my bedroom floor.  Barf.  Glad it was relatively easy to clean but no one likes coming home to smell an issue before you actually see it.  Was upset but figured it was because I was home 2 hours later than normal and clearly he had to go. 

Check my email to discover that my VS order, which allegedly had up to 14 days of attempts, had been cancelled.  So much for 14 days.  I decide to make my payment over the phone so that the order would be reinstated.  I was assured that my payment would be credited immediately so the $15 charge for this "convenience" seemed okay as a one time deal, given that my order would have free shipping, a free tote and even a free cheeky panty (God, I hate the word panty.  Is anyone else with me on this?)

So after I make my payment, I call VS and get my order reinstated.  I explain the sitch and am assured that my order will be fine.  I hang up feeling that all is right with the world . . . until I go to get into bed, where I plan on snuggling in and catching a Facts of Life rerun (don't judge.)  I go to climb into bed and smell . . . something.  I also notice that my sheets feel . . . damp.  Pull back my comforter to check the underside and yep, you guessed it.  Wet.  Very wet.  My dog didn't just leave  me a present on the floor, he also apparently jumped up on my bed and relieved himself the way a beer drinker after a pitcher or two would after holding it and the dam breaks.  You know what I mean.    This was no little dribble. 

My comforter was wet.  My top sheet was wet.  My bottom fitted sheet was wet.  Heck, even my throw pillow was wet.  All on my side of the bed.  Obviously my dog was a bit miffed that I was late and decided to show me what for.  In other words, he decided to be a little shit.  I love my dog, I've always loved my pets but if you are a pet owner you know there are times that they are little shits. 

So instead of snuggling up in bed to slumber off to 80s tv, I had to get up, strip my bed, put the fouled up comforter, sheets and pillow on my patio since I no longer have a washer and dryer in my place and blot my formerly pristine mattress with a beach towel, while turning on a fan, an air purifier and plugging in my aromatherapy diffuser.  My dog is lucky I like him and nobody knocked at my door around midnight inquiring as to whether or not I had a dog to donate to their home.  And yes, he was put in the pokey (i.e., his crate) for the night.  Mama wasn't happy.

Soooo . . . I wake up this morning feeling exhausted and aggravated and have to Yelp a good local dry cleaner that can deal with my comforter and pillow.  Found one - - nearly $60 to get my bedding cleaned.  Sigh.  While I'm online Yelping I decide to check on my VS order and see that while my order is still active, it's showing no payment.  I check my account and discover that my payment has not been credited.  I call customer service and the friendly woman I speak with assures me that my order will not be cancelled as my payment is pending.  She also informs me that her son and I share the same birthday.  Huzzah!  

I leave to drop off my stinky dry cleaning  and run a few errands.  The time I mentally allotted these errands needed to be doubled as it turns out.  Ugh.  Check emails and see nothing about my VS order, cancelled or otherwise. Figure no news is good news.

Until around 10 pm, that is.  Get an email telling me that my reinstated order has been cancelled.  Of course it has.  Universe, sometimes you blow.  I call VS yet again (I have their number memorized, I really do) and ask that the order be reinstated AGAIN, only this time I will be paying with a different card since payments are not credited immediately despite what you are told.  Order reinstated.  I mentally tell myself never to pay my VS account again over the phone.  Out of curiosity (or  fear), check my account online to verify order reinstatement.  See that the wrong freaking bras have been ordered - - not the ones that have been discontinued and not the ones that are the sole purpose of this order, reorder and reorder.  No, no, no, no, no!!  The universe hates me.

I call back.  Yes, again.  I explain the disgusting story to the person who answers (how many times have I explained this?) and she correct the mistake.  I go online pronto to check and yes, she's not only corrected it but marked them FREE.  Could the universe be shifting? 

I have to hope because the last 24 hours really have been a bitch.  I should go to bed but truly . . . I'm afraid.  Murphy's Law has been too alive and well around here.

Here's to Sunday.