Why Keanu Reeves Should Call Me

I don't much go for writing fan letters (or fan emails, as the case may be) - - and I'm not labeling this a fan letter because I'm not the president of a fan club, I'm not asking for an autographed picture and I'm not going to show up in someone's pool (not uninvited anyhow) - - although I did send Scott Baio a birthday card when I was nine or ten.  I used my hard earned chore money to go into Revco Drugs to buy him a card and I never received a response, not even a publicity still with a stamped signature.  If by chance Scott Baio is reading this, I'm still waiting.

In all seriousness though, I do have a group of people that I greatly admire.  Basically all of them are on social media, whether it be Twitter, Facebook, Instagram (am I practically the only person not on Instagram?) or have a webpage.  Yet the one person without the social media presence is the one I feel drawn to address.  (Quite naturally, I rarely take the easier path.)

I have liked Keanu Reeves since seeing him onscreen for the first time in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.  The movie is great goofy fun and watching it now, nearly thirty years later, makes me giggle and gives me warm fuzzies.  (I still bust out with "something strange is afoot at the Circle K" because it's that classic to me.) Ted Logan, as portrayed by Keanu, made me laugh, leading me to keep an eye on him.  I followed his career throughout the years, finding that even if I didn't particularly care for the movie itself, I always enjoyed his performances as he always managed to entertain me at the theater. 

Now this could be true for a handful of actors or actresses, right?  Sure.  So I have tried to put my finger on what it is exactly about Keanu Reeves that drives me to make this post and why he is a person I would genuinely like to meet.  And I've come up with the fact there isn't just one specific thing that I like and respect about him.  If you know me, you know this is me being true to form.  I can sum up very little in a few words so why would I be able to explain something quickly and easily?   Exactly, I probably can't.  But I will try.

He seems genuinely nice and there is something infinitely appealing and fascinating about a truly nice person.  Can we ever know enough nice people?  I say no.  I'm always amiable to adding someone to my circle who is kind enough to give up their seat on the subway (Google it) and be charitable without the fanfare.  I'm pretty sure that's being humble and I don't know enough of those types of people either.

I greatly respect and connect with creative people; I never tire of chatting with them because we get each other and understand what we're passionate about.  He's a writer and so am I.  He's creative and so am I.  I love to read and I've heard that Keanu is a reader.  I definitely enjoy talking books, authors, plotlines, characters . . .  There is a reason I call Barnes & Noble The Mother Ship.  I never tire of the bookstore.  We would not lack for conversation.

I used to be extremely introverted when I was younger (stop laughing, this is 100% the truth) so I understand the nature of the introvert. (Writing is generally a solitary endeavor as well.)  Keanu is reportedly introverted so I get it (if said reports are true.)  In the past I've been called stuck up and aloof from people who didn't know me or understand my then-shy personality so I can relate to people making an assumption that isn't necessarily true.  The Sad Keanu memes are bullshit in my opinion.   Just because the man eats a sandwich by himself does not mean he's sad and the nation needs to go into overdrive to make him happy.  He doesn't mind being in his own company and he's secure with that.  Hell, if going solo at times or looking serious equates to being sad, change my name to Eeyore now.

Not to brag but I have a pretty good sense of humor (okay, I'm bragging).  I do like to laugh, make others laugh and surround myself with people who appreciate it as well. Watch the YouTube clip of Keanu being "interrogated" as Mark Wahlberg for proof that he also has a sense of humor.  That bit will never not be funny to me.   No way could he poke fun at himself if he didn't have a sense of humor - - something I appreciate and is so underrated in life.  We should all laugh more.

Speaking of laughter, Keanu wants to make (another) sequel to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, at least according to word on the street.  Okay, Bill & Ted wasn't Shakespeare and any proposed new sequel certainly won't be either.  But it will be entertaining and it will surely be funny and don't we go to the movies to be entertained?  Keanu seems to embrace the quirkiness and campy love people have for Bill & Ted which would make him awesome on its own.   Sign me up to see it because I cannot wait.

These are just a few reasons why I admire Keanu Reeves and yeah, he should call me.  And to be totally shallow, I love a man on a motorcycle.  One day I am going to learn to drive one myself (see my bucket list) but for now I am happy to enjoy the ride. 

Keanu, if you'd like to meet someone who enjoys a good conversation, laughter and is a catch according to her dog, and you're not trapped under a heavy piece of furniture, call me!  

"Bride Wars" - What Went Wrong

Last weekend I was being a slug and watching Bride Wars on one of my handful of cable channels.  Even though I own it on DVD.  Don't judge either statement.


I like Kate Hudson.  She seems like a cool chick, someone you could hang out with, have a drink with and kick back with.  Truth be told, I'm jealous of that hippie vibe she gives off - - laid back, easygoing, hair that always looks good, pretty skin.


So . . . Bride Wars should be good, with Kate's presence, despite the name (not a fan) and yet it doesn't quite reach its potential for two main reasons.


The first should be fairly obvious if you've seen the film because it's a relatively large plot hole.  The characters of Liv and Emma go to see wedding planner extraordinaire Marion and are told there are three openings in the month of June at the exclusive Plaza, two on the same day and one a couple of weeks later.  Liv is going to take one of the days and Emma the other.  All is fine and good.  However, Marion's not so intrepid assistant mixes up the dates and gives Liv and Emma the same day.  If you're a man you may not think it's that big of a deal but for these two best friends, each of whom wants the other to be their maid of honor, this is a nightmare.  Marion tells the besties this and suggests that one of them change their date (with the next available June date being three years in the future) since the other available date was given to a third bride. 


And herein lies the first problem.  Since this was a technical/computer entry foul up, why wouldn't Marion tell the third bride that date was not available but this other June date is?  Someone as in demand and well respected as Marion is supposed to be surely would have no problem doing just that, rather than simpering to Liv and Emma about the mix up and how she can't possibly share the third bride's name with them due to confidentiality (while also having binders with brides' names on them located on a shelf in full view of everyone walking in but that's another issue.)   Candice Bergen, who plays Marion, has probably never simpered a day in her life.  If this was a 1930s screwball comedy, it would be believable but for today?  Hmmmm . . .

Of course if Marion had done that, the movie would have been over because there would have been no conflict.  So what should have happened?   Why not have only one date available in June at the Plaza from the start?  Liv and Emma could have reserved it together and then tried to figure out who would get it - - coin toss, house of cards, arm wrestling, rock, paper, scissors, whatever.  They could have discussed the double wedding scenario and then could have acted like crazy women.


And that leads me to the second issue with the story.  Liv and Emma are lifelong friends, absolute besties.  The thought that these two would immediately begin backstabbing each other and going to lengths such as tampering with hair dye, spray tans and pregnancy rumors is farfetched, even if we suspend reality for the enjoyment of entertainment.  Wouldn't it have made more sense to have the two of them be frenemies or roommates or something like that, in order to somewhat explain why they went absolutely BSC on each other? 


I know some women hate this movie with a passion, mainly because they feel it makes women in general look petty and unhinged when it comes to getting married.  Look, this is pure entertainment and I hardly take it as a course in reality.  Have you ever seen the show Bridezillas?  There are truly people out there that lose all capacity for reasoning and logic when planning a wedding.


That said,  Bride Wars does have entertaining spots (Kristen Johnston is hilarious in a supporting role) if you look past the plot hole.   I liked  Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada (anything with Meryl Streep is gold) but didn't care for her as much here.  Let me correct that - - her character didn't resonate quite as well with me.   The film overall does have some cute and funny moments and it's not a terrible way to spend two hours of your time. 


Any opinions from those who have seen Bride Wars?

When Jury Duty is the Best Part of My Week

"We'll get a funnel cake.  It'll be the highlight of my week." - Nicholas Cage as Jack Campbell, The Family Man

Whenever I can quote The Family Man, I will.  I can't believe the movie isn't more beloved.  Let's just say I'm more than a little obsessed with it.  I may have to watch it after writing this.

This week has been the kind that makes me look forward to the calendar rolling to Sunday so we can call an official end to it. 

If you're in the SoCal area, you know that we've had unseasonably hot weather.  I know Phoenix is hotter, I know the East Coast has gotten it badly too (and with the added bonus of humidity) but coastal SoCal is not used to temps pushing (and into) the 90s.  Especially when you have no a/c. 

It's been uncomfortably hot, making sleeping a chore.  This kind of heat also brings out the fleas and my dog apparently is the tastiest little morsel on the block.  He's had four flea baths in the last two weeks and I'm trying the second flea preventative in the same number of weeks.  Worse, fleas also apparently love carpeting (mine especially) and various bedding and blankets.  I discovered this on Monday night and had to wait until Friday morning to get an exterminator here.  Lovely.

Two days before I moved back in June, I received a jury summons.  Lucky me, I got called for Thursday.  It turns out that jury duty was the best part of my week.

For a writer, reporting to jury duty offers a wealth of possibilities.  The people watching potential is off the charts.  Can a bathing suit cover-up be considered "business casual?"  (Apparently it can based on someone in the security line in front of me.)  Why do some people bring a rolling suitcase to jury duty?  They do know they will be going back home by the end of the day, right?  Am I the only person who had no idea there is a game show called Catch 21 on the air?  And that Family Feud still airs multiple times during the day? 

I wasn't chosen or placed on a panel - - making for a long and boring day - - but I took plenty of notes on my fellow potential jurors.   Traits of some of them will make for fascinating characters.

Today I am doing very little, other than laundry and writing.  And I'm good with it.  Some days you just need to relax and recharge. 

How about you?  What are you doing this quiet Saturday?

Weekend Check In

I have a guilty confession.  If you know me personally, this isn't a surprise.  I love Bravo's reality programs.  They are the visual equivalent of tomato soup and grilled cheese for me.  Nothing I love better after a long and/or hard day at work than to curl up on my sofa (which is super comfy, by the way) and watch a Real Housewives franchise or a Million Dollar Listing franchise.  I cannot express how thrilled I was to hear that Ladies of London will be back.  I haven't been to  London yet (looking at you, 2016) so watching just for the scenery is a win.  Caroline Stanbury, between your wardrobe, hair, business and home, I want to be you.

Speaking of television, I am an Ink Master addict.  I love seeing how creative the artists can be and I have this secret puppy love thing for Dave Navarro.  I guess it's not so secret anymore.  I appreciate how soft spoken he is and he seems very kind and considerate.  Anyhow, imagine my frustration when I saw that Spike wasn't airing on Tuesday night (thank you, TimeWarner) and didn't record that night.  Why, God, why? 

Thursday took the cake for a day full of barfiness.  At least until 5 p.m.  I wanted to get into the office early and I overslept.  Strike one.  Woke up (late) to see that G puked all over the floor.  (I told you barfiness.)  Strike two.  Leaving for work late and in a panic, I backed into the side of my garage.  Strike three.  Can I be out and stay home?  Or start my day over?  Get to work and hit the ground running from the moment I walk through the door.  Don't leave early, as I hoped, but did leave to go to the Orange County Fair.  Woot!  Perfect evening - - the steaming hot weather cooled a bit, I indulged in a cinnamon and sugar crepe (seriously yummy) and then went to see Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo in concert.  Opening act - - Dennis DeYoung and the music of Styx! 

Awesome, awesome, awesome.  I cannot come up with enough words to say what a great show it was.  A bit surreal to think that "Babe" was the first song I ever roller skated with a boy to and "The Best of Times" was the song we sung during my seventh grade graduation.  More frightening was that I was actually in the chorus in seventh grade.   Really though - - I'm sure "The Best of Times" was chosen because it was popular at the time but how depressing to think that the best of times were happening in seventh grade.  Was it all downhill from there? 

Can I be Pat Benatar?  I honestly love that woman.  Her voice is spectacular, she and her husband have been together forever and clearly are simpatico and I'm guessing she's pretty feisty.  Her music is soooo good - - I had forgotten how good she was/is.  And man does she still have a set of pipes on her.  She opened her set with "Shadows of the Night" one of my favorite Benatar tunes and by the time she got to "Promises in the Dark", my other big fave, I was dancing around so much that my brief video I took with my phone is reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project in its jerkiness.

For a day that started on such a sour note, it ended pretty well.  Friday was busy, I was tired since I got to bed late and I was wiped out by the time I got home. 

Today has been productive, although not as much as I'd like - - isn't that always the way it is?   I'm working on getting some Adirondack chairs for my balcony and I need some flowers and potted plants.  Any suggestions?

Ready for a quiet evening.  Happy weekend!  

A Note From 17 Year Old Me and My Response

Dear Future Me,

So I'm writing this to you thirty years down the road . . . thirty years, wow!  That makes you forty-seven.  Forty-seven.  God that's old. 

Where do I see me/you in 2015?  

Living in California.  If not, I'll die.  The beach would be nice but Hollywood/L.A. is even better.  A nice house that is gated, something that others would be jealous of.  I hope that you're a successful screenwriter with a few Oscars to prove it.  At least.  You should have picked up your first Oscar by twenty-five.  If you haven't done it by thirty, it's over. 

Maybe even a novelist.  That would be cool too.  As popular as Stephen King or V.C. Andrews, with a full-fledged library in your home and a pretty room for your typewriter.

Surely no job working in an office.  Barf.

Married?  Maybe.  Only if you found an incredibly good looking guy that swept you off your feet.  Like John Taylor from Duran Duran?  Sigh.

You would be living without a care in the world, life is excellent and easy.

Sincerely,
Me


Dear Youthful Me,

First, yes . . . forty-seven.  Get a grip.  It's not that old.  Fifty is the new thirty these days.  Life doesn't even start to really get good until thirty.  And don't roll your eyes at me.

I live in California but not in Hollywood or even L.A.  I do live at the beach though so that should make you happy.  Not in a big home that's gated but it's still wonderful.  Don't be afraid to move and try something new.  Don't worry about having a big house because downsizing will be popular when you hit your forties.  So many incredible experiences are awaiting you - - new things, new places, wonderful friends.  Savor them, don't wish the time away by pining to be older.  On that - - while you may be aggravated now that you look younger than your years, in the future this will thrill you to no end.  It's a good thing.

Some of your friends you will lose over the years.  Don't fail. to appreciate them and tell them how much you love them.  They can be gone in an instant.  This holds true for your family, too - - they are incredible and you are blessed.  Don't ever forget that.

I work in law at an "office job" so I'm not a screenwriter.  Stop crying.  It's never too late.  (You will take a writing seminar one weekend at UCLA.  It will be an amazing experience and it will lead you to take other writing classes/seminars that are worth their weight in gold.)  Do I wish I had followed my dreams and went full on with screenwriting?  Yes, I do.  I don't want to regret anything but I am curious as to what would have happened if I had.  I fell in love instead and got divorced.  It happens.  It's going to happen to a lot of people you know.  It's going to be one of the hardest experiences you will endure but here's the good news about that - - it's going to make you stronger.  You may not realize it now but you have a pretty solid backbone in there.  Use it.  Stand on your own two feet.  You don't need anyone to complete you (that's going to be a tagline in a Tom Cruise movie in the future.  The movie you will like but Tom Cruise is going to get a bit crazy pants in the future.  Make a mental note now that if you pass by any buildings or people that offer you a free personality test, especially in the L.A. area, keep right on walking.) 

You have a sense of humor that's going to carry you through a lot of shit.  Embrace it and be grateful for it.  Don't be timid about keeping your thoughts to yourself but always remember to be tactful. 

What other advice can I give you? 

Go read Pride and Prejudice.  Now.  It's never been required reading in school and won't be for you in college either (sadly) but it will change your life.  It will lead you to love Jane Austen and many Regency works and historical fiction.

Don't quit playing the piano entirely.  No, you won't go to school and major in music but quitting full stop after ten years of instruction is a mistake.  Piano gives you great joy and would probably continue to give me great joy today if I had kept with it.

Floss. Really, just do it.  You're going to have those dreams about your teeth falling out no matter what but flossing is a good habit to start now.  Exercise too. You won't be 100 pounds forever.  And let's talk about your body for a moment.  It's perfect the way it is.  Next year, you're going to wake up with hips.  It's just the way it is.  Quit focusing on what's wrong with your body and accept the incredible and fluid machine it is.  Use it more.  As you get more mature, things that were so easy at seventeen won't be quite the same at forty-seven. 

Drink more water and less soda.  Mr. Pibb and Dr. Pepper are awesome but terrible for your health.  Try different foods.  You will be amazed what foods you will like as you get older.  There's more to life than burgers and fries.  (A little secret for you - - you are going to stop eating red meat in the future and live to tell the tale.)  Get out of the sun.  Stop tanning.  It looks phenomenal right now to be golden tan and it's incredible to lie in the sun with a good book.  Keep the book, ditch the sunning.  Your skin will thank you.  Sunscreen.  With a high SPF.  Hats are good too.   Your face will be relatively free of wrinkles at forty-seven but you can't start too early.   Moisturize every day while you're at it.  I know you have oily skin now but oily skin needs moisturizer too.  One day in the future, you will have normal to dry skin and moisturizer will be a necessity. 

You will grow out of your bad boy phase.  Not soon enough but bygones.  Learn from it.  Being soft spoken is not a crime and it doesn't make anyone less virile.  A gentle and kind heart is pretty damn spectacular.  Always stick with someone who makes you laugh.  The same way that your sense of humor is going to be a saving grace at times, you will need a man who can bring a chuckle or even an unapologetic snort, tears and a belly ache from laughing so hard.

You can be kind without having to be nice all the time to everyone.  It's okay.  No one is going to think any less of you when you say "no."  If they do, they don't think much of you to begin with.

You are always going to love sports, reading, music and old movies.  Anyone who puts them down or makes you feel bad for liking them, cut those assholes out of your life.  You are going to encounter a few people who are going to tell you that writing is stupid, a waste of time or say you don't have what it takes.  Keep it moving, sister.  Put those people on mute.  Cut them out too.  Never apologize for being YOU.  Because you, with your quirks and your weird little heart, are pretty awesome, all things considered.

Smile more.  Laugh more.  Worry less.  Take chances.  Aim high.  Celebrate.  Everything is going to be okay, I can assure you of that.  You're smarter than you think.  You're stronger than you think.  You're funnier than you think (okay, maybe that one's a draw.)  You are a survivor. 

Most importantly, don't settle for anyone or anything.  Be You.  Don't wait for your life to start.  Start it yourself.  Make it happen.  You got this.  Carry on.

Love,
Me